A Letter To My Ex Best Friend

The last time we spoke was 4 years ago. Everything was okay. Actually, everything was perfect.

We didn’t see each other often, but every time we met up, it felt like we’d just seen each other the day before. That’s how close we were. Do you remember? Going to different colleges and high schools had no effect on our friendship. It stayed as strong as it was during our time in primary school and kindergarten.

But then you vanished with no explanation, no warning, and no goodbye. You just left me.

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I cried for weeks when I realised our friendship was over. I couldn’t eat or sleep. My heart ached for months, but after a while I became angry. Angry with you.

Over the past 4 years I have asked myself over and over again, “What did I do wrong? Why did she abandon me? Don’t I deserve an explanation?”. But I will never have the answers.

I contacted you on Facebook, after my anger towards you subsided. I just wanted to know why you did this. But you ignored me. I will always wonder why you threw away 17 years of friendship, and broke my heart.

Yes, I said it, you broke my heart. And although I’ve had my heart broken many times, no one broke it as badly as you did. See, silly me thought you’d be in my life forever. Best friends forever.

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I use to have an image of the distant future in my head. We’d be sitting in some cafe drinking tea, all grey and wrinkly, having a good gossip and talking about our husbands and children. But that will never happen. Obviously I was wrong about us, about you.

You ripped out my heart and shattered my faith in people. You left me crippled.

But no one will break me like this again. I don’t trust so easily anymore, since it was so easy for you to walk away. Sure, I still have friends, but none of them know me as well as they think. I will always hold back that piece of my heart that you once had. By the way, it’s still healing.

Unfortunately you still creep into my mind, unwelcome. When you do, despair consumes me. But I’ve learnt not to cry over you anymore. You’re not worth my tears.

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But despite my pain, despite everything, I wish you happiness. And I hope no one breaks you like you broke me. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone.

Goodbye, old friend.

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