Sex addiction, formally referred to as hypersexual disorder, can be as destructive and disruptive as any other addiction. In contrast to an individual with a high sex drive, a sex addict usually has feelings of self loathing, and is rarely satisfied after intercourse. They are dependent on sex, and lose control when they aren’t getting enough.
Fundamentally, sex isn’t about intimacy for an addict, it’s tool. Although they crave “the big O”, they use sex to escape their fears and problems; mask their emotions, or fill an emotional void; and gain a sense of control.
Individuals suffering from a mental illness; such as borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or depression; are at risk of developing an addiction to sex. Other risk factors include prior addictions, and being a victim of physical or sexual abuse.
Around 7 years ago, I became addicted to sex. I wasn’t interested in love making, I just wanted to fuck. It was my source of control and an escape from reality. If I didn’t have my daily dose of sex, I couldn’t function.
My addiction lead me to cheat in a few relationships, I couldn’t help it. There was always at least one person on the side. But the reason as to why, became more than because of my addiction. I had an intense fear of abandonment, and it lead me to latch onto multiple partners. My mentality was, if one broke up with me, I had the other(s).
Eventually, after sabotaging many of my relationships, I went cold turkey. During this lonely time, my need to be loved became greater than my sex addiction.
So when I entered into a relationship with my S.O., things were a little different. Although I would harass him for sex every day, and throw a tantrum if he rejected me, I remained faithful. Luckily, he has handled my addiction pretty well. He often joked around (and still does) about me being a nymphomaniac.
My sexual urges became less frequent after I set up this blog. It has become my new source of control, and a healthy distraction. Sex isn’t a priority anymore, and I can focus on more important things. I am still tempted to revert back to my old ways, but the joy I have found in blogging and through the love of my S.O. stops me from doing so.
If you suffer from sex addiction, know that you are not alone. You can overcome it by finding a healthy distraction; such as painting, exercise, or blogging like I have. And there is extra help available if you need it. You can have one-to-one therapy, or attend Sex Addicts Anonymous.