Sex Addiction & Control

Sex addiction, formally referred to as hypersexual disorder, can be as destructive and disruptive as any other addiction. In contrast to an individual with a high sex drive, a sex addict usually has feelings of self loathing, and is rarely satisfied after intercourse. They are dependent on sex, and lose control when they aren’t getting enough.

Fundamentally, sex isn’t about intimacy for an addict, it’s tool. Although they crave “the big O”, they use sex to escape their fears and problems; mask their emotions, or fill an emotional void; and gain a sense of control.

Individuals suffering from a mental illness; such as borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or depression; are at risk of developing an addiction to sex. Other risk factors include prior addictions, and being a victim of physical or sexual abuse.

Around 7 years ago, I became addicted to sex. I wasn’t interested in love making, I just wanted to fuck. It was my source of control and an escape from reality. If I didn’t have my daily dose of sex, I couldn’t function.

My addiction lead me to cheat in a few relationships, I couldn’t help it. There was always at least one person on the side. But the reason as to why, became more than because of my addiction. I had an intense fear of abandonment, and it lead me to latch onto multiple partners. My mentality was, if one broke up with me, I had the other(s).

Eventually, after sabotaging many of my relationships, I went cold turkey. During this lonely time, my need to be loved became greater than my sex addiction.

So when I entered into a relationship with my S.O., things were a little different. Although I would harass him for sex every day, and throw a tantrum if he rejected me, I remained faithful. Luckily, he has handled my addiction pretty well. He often joked around (and still does) about me being a nymphomaniac.

My sexual urges became less frequent after I set up this blog. It has become my new source of control, and a healthy distraction. Sex isn’t a priority anymore, and I can focus on more important things. I am still tempted to revert back to my old ways, but the joy I have found in blogging and through the love of my S.O. stops me from doing so.

If you suffer from sex addiction, know that you are not alone. You can overcome it by finding a healthy distraction; such as painting, exercise, or blogging like I have. And there is extra help available if you need it. You can have one-to-one therapy, or attend Sex Addicts Anonymous.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. I have BPD and was sexually abused in childhood. It is really difficult for me to not fixate on sex as a means to meet my emotional needs, and relationships easily become sexualised because of my fucked up boundaries about fucking lol! but as I’m married it’s pretty impossible to act out my desires 😫 so I try and deal with this addiction as best I can but it is not easy. Thanks for writing this post, it is written in a compassionate way, not at all stigmatising. I think female sex addicts are viewed differently to male sex addicts. It doesn’t really sit well with gender stereotyping maybe? Excellent post ❤ 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. S. K. Bosak says:

      This post is pretty general, and written from my experience with sex addiction. But yes, female and male sex addicts are stereotypically viewed differently. Maybe at some point I’ll write a post about the gender issues, and ask a male sex addict to contribute so their voice is heard.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have just discovered your blog and wanted to say thank you for this post. I have BPD and whilst my Borderline addictive behaviours/emotional responses predominantly revolved around drinking/self-destruction/spending, my friend also has BPD and one of her main addictions is sex. As I have been branded ‘frigid’ the majority of my adult life, I could and have never been able to understand her addiction and any possible motivations behind it. Your post has helped give me a better insight into her behaviour in a general sense and has given me some basis to approach the subject with her. Great post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. S. K. Bosak says:

      I’m glad my post gave you some insight 🙂

      Like

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