To put it simply, those of us suffering from borderline personality disorder are unable to control our emotions. In fact a lot of the time our emotions control us. But through recovery, we acquire the skills we need to take back control and function in a healthy manner.
While going through the stages of recovery, we may establish a healthy source of comfort and control, to make up for the control we internally lack. It helps us get through the bad days, and stay on track with our recovery.
Personally, my blog is my source of comfort and control. It is my safe zone. Writing down (or in this case, typing) what’s on my mind keeps me calm and grounded. I also set myself goals. One of which is to write at least a certain number of blog posts per month. When I accomplish each goal, I am rewarded with uplifting emotions and a sense of security. But most of all, I have a stable sense of self as a blogger of my own site, an identity.
I think we all should write about our thoughts, feelings and behaviour. You could blog, like I do, or keep a journal. Writing a little a day, keeps your troubles away. It can relieve stress and other emotional discomfort.
Unfortunately for me, someone recently attempted to sabotage my source of comfort and control. They tried to devalue my site by mirroring my blogs name, and endeavored to discredit it through their plans to obtain the domain I’d planned on purchasing in the future. They also tried to make it look like their blog had been existing before mine. Every attempt I made to prove my blog is the original Borderline Mama just provoked them further.
They broke down my safe zone and transformed it into a battlefield. The most fucked up aspect of the situation, is that they contacted me after creating their blog. They said my blog made them feel less alone, and asked if we could chat. Stupid me fell for their ploy and kindly replied. Since then, they started this battle and caused me nothing but grief. My anxiety has been high and my rage has kept resurfacing. I feel deeply hurt and angry.
I’ve kept asking myself, “Why did they choose to try steal my blogs identity? Why not be original and imaginative?”. After all, us borderlines are known to be exceptionally creative.
However, as of this morning the battle is over. A close friend of mine, who I look up to as a sister, helped solve the problem with an early birthday gift and some advice. I now have my own domain. My blog is my safe zone again. And I will keep on blogging, for myself and for all you lovely people following my site .